


Light behind your eyes

by kanzashah



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M, and dies in the end, dont cry (craft), dont kill me, neil sees light around people, weird one shot story i based on andreil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 08:21:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11665263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanzashah/pseuds/kanzashah
Summary: Neil is no one and before he becomes nothing, he decides to give Andrew something.(summary sucks,i don't know how to explain shit.)





	Light behind your eyes

I see a boy. He has no light around him. Which is weird _.Makes me wonder about him._

Why so empty? What cost did he pay for the light to go away?

Is he really that cold inside?

I hate it. _I find it strange_. He is nothing to me. _He is weirdly intriguing to me._

I ignore it. _I find it new_. It changes nothing about me. _What does it mean for me?_

I am confused.

I know what I have to do though. Just sigh and walk away.

Away from him.I don't need him _.I want to know him._

People, they say, emit a light.A halo around them.As we release energy in form of it.It's so dim, that light, that we can not see it.

But this man, he emits no light.As if all light was snuffed out of him all long ago.I feel for him.I don't know why.Maybe I do.After seeing everyone, everyone I have met, crossed on a street, sat with during my class, everyone has this light.

When they are sad it's a little dull,but still there.This boy makes me wonder what kind of world has he seen to lose this light.

That requires no effort to emit.To exist.That only disappears when their heart stops.When their breath lasts.When all life runs out of them like wild beasts finally being freed.The flight of these beasts that we can not contain within our grasp as they run towards a land of their own.A land where they accept a freedom different than the freedom we have known.

A land where they rest in death.Find home in it. This boy is equivalent to those dead bodies I run away from.

I don't know why I see these lights, all around everyone making them look angelic, spiritual, or pure. _Otherworldly._

People often ask me why do I find everyone so magical.I smile and say,'I can see what you all can't.' They think I am being poetic, optimistic, a fucking monk. _A believer._

Whatever you want to call me.

So I walk up to him unknowingly.My feet betraying me. _Why does this happen?Why don't we ever listen to our brains?_

I approach him.He looks at me questioningly as if he can't understand why I am standing there.In front of him.With an expression on my face that even I can't comprehend. _He isn't my answer but why do I still understand him?_

He keeps standing there, cigarette in his hand leaning on the wall behind him.Careless.Indifferent.

I ask without asking, 'Why is there no light?' He looks at me, I don't know if he understands my question or not.

He looks at me, thinking or wondering, who knows.

And answers, 'What light?'

This makes me catch my breath because he is not asking what my question meant, but answering me instead.

He is telling me he sees no light.He understands no concept of light.And I know it.God, I know it.If I were to raise my hand and touch his skin.I will only find ice like coldness, numbing me to my core.

I wish I could help him.I wish I could fire a light inside him.Make him alive again.

But I know my own time is short.That was the price.A chance to see light in everyone else at the cost of my own life.

Last days of my life, spent on earth seeing everyone shine.Live and breath.

I don't know if it was a punishment.To see how everyone lives but knowing that I won't? Or knowing that they live and finding solace in it.

I said I won't but I did anyway.

 _We all are stubborn creatures_.

I visit him.No surprise there.I visit him again and again.Sometimes on a roof.

Every day a new question.He always looks at me and wonders why would I bother with questions like these but answers anyway.

Cause when you have nothing left, you are not afraid to lose.

So he answers those questions.Truthfully.And painfully.

Because no truth is quiet.Each one is a sharp pain spreading through your chest.

I always wondered why would people bother with lies to hurt someone, honesty is enough for that damage.

Days continue like this.I stand next to him silently.

Sometimes daring to ask more than one question.He, without any care, keeps answering.I think he tells me the truth to see if I will stay.

To see if I can handle it.

He doesn't know that a dying boy, who has no one and nothing left, can handle almost anything.

He raises his eyebrow every time I stay after his truth.Drinking it in.Schooling my expression.Sometimes I give my truths in return too.(He never asks)

I like him.A truth I tell myself one night.

I seek him in the crowd.Think about him.Write about his answers to my questions in my dairy and explain what these answers made me feel.

Spend rest of my day thinking about what would I ask him next day. I know he cares as much as he can about me.I see it in a way he would look at him from the corner of his eyes when I would smile at one of his cheeky responses.

He would always be in the same spot, knowing that if he wanted to get rid of him all he had to do was disappear.Not stand in the same spot every day.

I had no idea who he was. Didn't even know his name. Didn't even tell him mine, thought it was better.It would help him if I just disappeared one day.

His memories, every time he tried to picture me, won't even come up with a name.

And one night I see death on my doorstep, waiting, knocking.

And then crashing through my threshold with its uncertainty.I stand, gasp and pray.

 _One more day_.I wish.I beg.

Just one more day.For a goodbye.I deserve that.He needs that.

And I get a leeway.

I walk up to him next day.Eager.Jumping on my toes.He is looking for me.As his eyes settle on me, his anxious features relax into calm stoic ones.

I smile knowing how he cares and hides.As I walk up to him and ask him one question.

One question, 'Would you dare accept the light for me?'

I know I have tried my best to make him question his beliefs, his aims, his relations and his purpose in life.Given him enough reasons to live, even if he has to live without me.

Planted his feet in the soil where I know he will grow the tallest.He let me.

And.He.Let.Me.

'Yes.' he replies.Like always not understanding my question but answering with honesty anyways.

So I do the last thing, the last thing that will make the match catch the fire.

'Yes or no?' I mumble the last question.

He looks at me and then answers, same as before.'Yes.'

I lean in, stop a breath away from his cheek.Pause.Breathe.

Place my lips against his now rosy cheek.Smile and stay. _If I could I would stay here forever._

Breathe and remember.A memory to taste just before death.

Lean away and smile at him.It flickers.The light flickers.

My smile spreading now. _'Thank you.You were amazing.'_

A goodbye, hidden in the smile.In the kiss.In the gratitude.In the compliment.

This moment, the last entry in my diary that I would leave for him.And as I watch the fire ablaze.

I almost cry but smile and leave. It's lit.I tell myself as death embraces me.He has his light now.

_Lips against blushing warm cheek._

And I slip through the barriers of breathing and not breathing.

I know he cried.I know he fell on his knees.In the rain so strong that even the beasts hid in their caves.

He screamed, sobbed.My diary.My words.

Still strongly grasped in his hands.I wish I could touch.I could ask a question to stop this pain inside of him.To indulge him in answering my question or wondering about them so much that he forgets everything.

The hurt.The pain.The darkness.

But I know the light won't die now.

As long as he remembers me.It will stay lit.He will survive.He has to.

He has a heartbeat.Where I didn't. He breathes still.Where my breaths were stolen from me.

He lives.While I stay dead six feet under the ground.

*****

 

'No one likes a martyr.'

'You do.'

**Author's Note:**

> AGhhh *screams*  
> i am sorry.  
> I changed the last quote.Sue me.Please dont
> 
> Kudos and comment


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